light_square

Categories

“Missing Out”. Excerpts from Lionheart’s Power Source Parenting

28/08/17 COMMENTS 0

MISSING OUT.  EXCERPTS FROM POWER SOURCE PARENTING: GROWING UP STRONG AND RAISING HEALTHY KIDS.  A book created specifically for at-risk teen parents.

Once I got pregnant, things really changed with my friends.  Maybe they thought I was slowing them down.  They couldn’t smoke in the car or around me.  I stopped drinking so I couldn’t party with them anymore.  It’s not that they didn’t want to be there for me, but I just wasn’t as much fun for them to hang around with.  Also they got pissed off because they thought teachers let me get away with a lot at school because I was pregnant.  Everyone was treating me different.  They never called me to go to clubs because they thought that my big belly would chase guys away.  Their families told them not to hang out with me because I was a bad influence.  Once the baby came, things got even worse.  I couldn’t go out ever because I couldn’t find a sitter.  Then they almost never came around.”   Lisa, 18 years old

One of the hardest things to deal with about becoming a teenage parent is feeling like you’re missing out on the best part of being young — hanging out with friends, having fun, being free.  If you have a baby, you know that it’s almost impossible to do those things like you used to.  And that can be a hard pill to swallow.  Lots of things get in the way, like finding someone to watch the baby.  If you mom is helping you take care of your child, she might feel resentful if you are going out to hang out with friends.  She might feel that it’s your responsibility to stay home and take care of your child.  You probably have less money to spend when you go out than before you had a baby.  Babies take a lot of money to raise.  And most people taking care of children all day are sometimes too tired to even thin of going out.

NOt going out can make you’re missing out and can even lead to feelings of resentment toward the baby.  All parents need to hang out with people their own age.  Especially young parents.  You probably won’t go out as much and do all the things you did before you had the baby.  But it’s important not to isolate yourself from other people your age.  Being with friends is important.  It’s a change to connect and refuel and have a little fun.  So what can you do about it?  Here are a few ideas that other young parents have tried.

  • See if you can find activities your friends are into that you can take the baby along for, like going to a park or the mall for a short time.  (But be realistic.  If you have an active two-year-old, the mall might not be a good choice.  He’ll want to run around and you might just be chasing him rather than hanging with friends.
  • Explain to your mother that you understand what your responsibilities are, but that you’d really appreciate it if she could watch the baby for just two or three hours a week so you could go out.  (Find something cheap to do if you do go out so you’re not broke for the next week.)
  • Swap babysitting with a friend.  You watch her child for three hours one week, she’ll pay you back the next week.  Pick someone you can trust so the baby is safe.  Make sure the street goes two ways so you don’t get walked on — doing all the sitting and getting nothing back.
  • If the baby’s father is also a caretaker, work it out with him so that a few hours a week you get to get out and enjoy yourself and give him the same opportunity.
  • Make new friends — especially new friends with kids.  Talking to other people going through the same things you are is important.  They know the deal.  They can relate.  Plus, you’ll be able to hang out together and do things that your kids can do.  Rather than going clubbing, you can hang out at the park.  Instead of partying, you can bust open some Play Doh.  If this sounds lame or like a letdown, it beats being alone.

I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have Jackie (my best friend).  I met her at a parenting group and we’ve hung out ever since.  Before that I didn’t really have no one.  She really gets what I’m going through with my baby and my baby daddy.  We chill when we ain’t working or going to school.  It helps me a lot just to know that I have someone who understands me.  Shana, 16 years old

 

 

UA-23716734-1